The holidays are here, and so is the stress that comes with them. We sat down with Dr. Kevin Smith, Associate Clinical Director of the ETSU Counseling Center, to discuss strategies for staying grounded during family gatherings that can feel overwhelming.

The holidays promise warmth, gratitude and connection.  

They can also deliver a hefty dose of stress. Between managing family expectations, navigating old dynamics, and dealing with that one relative who knows exactly which buttons to push, the holidays can test even the most centered among us.

The good news? You’re not alone.

Dr. Kevin Smith, associate clinical director of the ETSU Counseling Center, says the key to managing holiday overwhelm comes down to two intentional practices: boundaries and breaks.

Set boundaries and take breaks

“None of us is impervious to stress, anxiety, or a family member who knows where all of our emotional buttons are hidden,” Smith said. “However, we are also not helpless and unable to direct purposeful behavior at these moments.”

Think of boundaries as clear lines of differentiation. Knowing, in other words, where you end and someone else begins. In stressful family situations, boundaries become essential tools that prioritize your health, establish the level of respect you expect and help identify whether unhealthy or even abusive patterns are at play.

One resource Smith recommends is Welltrack Boost, an app that ETSU recently acquired, offering multiple ways to build healthy boundaries and engage in purposeful breaks from stress.

What are the signs of holiday stress?

How do you know when holiday stress has crossed from normal to concerning? Smith advised watching for thoughts or behaviors that feel unusual for you.

“Signs might be getting mad, even rage-filled, when something doesn’t go your way – with the knowledge that being rage-filled has never been your thing,” he said. “It could also be sad or down thinking that has lasted a few weeks and just seems very rare for how you normally function.”

Smith also pointed to cognitive distortions (Try out the Cognitive Distortions Quiz in Welltrack Boost to understand your possible thought stoppers), patterns of thinking influenced by emotion that create misconceptions that drive negative feelings. Recognizing these distorted thought patterns is a crucial first step toward addressing them.

Reach out for support when you need it.

If you are struggling more than usual this holiday season, Smith emphasized the importance of reaching out:

1. Connect with friends immediately. Waiting may lead to a deeper investment in negative thinking, which can pull you away from your support system.

2. Use available resources. ETSU students have access to Togetherall, a new peer-to-peer community forum that provides connection and support. Chat hotlines and monitored web forums can also help ease emotional tension.

3. Seek professional support. When peer support isn’t enough, or when you need a more structured and protected space to process complicated feelings, even dark thoughts like self-harm, professional help is essential.

Contact the ETSU Counseling Center

The ETSU Counseling Center is here to support students navigating holiday stress and beyond. The center is open Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

  • Phone: 423-439-8668
  • Location: D.P. Culp Student Center, 3rd floor, suite 326

This holiday season, remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Setting boundaries, taking breaks and reaching out when you need support are all acts of courage that honor your wellbeing.

Note: Students can download these apps through the app store using their ETSU email.